the SUNNIER side of truth

so, i got home monday night. I'd felt fine all day, and a primary thought in my mind was, "damn, i already need to buy more cigarettes?". Need being the unlawfully, uneeded word in the sentence. I got home and little things made me lose my breathe. At first, i thought it was nothing. I'll just lay down. That was at midnight. I tossed and turned, trying to breathe all night long. Eventually it hit four in the morning and i realized, i could not breathe. So, i ended up in the emergency room. X-rays, antibiotics, and an oxygen machine for hours. Pumping clean air into my fucked up lungs. The doctor said "It'll be fine in five days if you take this medicine. Good thing you came in when you did." What if i didnt? We all have choices. And smoking as much as i did was definetly a bad choice. the xrays portrayed my lungs filled with this visible, white air. But it wasnt air. It was smoke. The thought of them grosses me out now. For everyone who saw my cigarettes, who told me to slow down, who told me smoking would bite me in the ass, i am sorry for not taking your word. Even though it was only these five days, i have never felt such a horrible, helpless pain in my life. I had panic attacks from too much oxygen, i could have suffocated from SLEEPING incorrectly. And i am 16. What if i hadnt come in?
So, i know i've said this before. But i mean it this time, this blog is documented proof. I am DONE with Drinking and Smoking. I am not against it, but i am afraid of it. Every time i drink and someone says "that fucks up your liver" and i just laugh and keep drinking. What if it happens? Cuz, you laugh when they tell you cigarettes will fuck up your lungs too right? I may drink on occasion. i havnt decided yet. But i am not down to go out and drink every weekend. I am down to be designated driver for my friends. And still go to parties and socialize. But the pain that this last week put on my body and mind, has thrown me into complete fear of waking one morning and not being able to breathe. Hurting. So yeah. There ya go.



p.s. the title implies it, veronica wins.
http://trendstopper.blogspot.com/2009/05/sunny-side-of-truth.html